I wanted to relate re Captain BO BA,-- I, as a mostly single girl/woman, note when I meet couples, try and discern if the following profile applies: She is in love with him. He is in love with himself and or vice versa etc.,...gay love too. Otherwise, I usually observe various degrees of disengagement such as the relationships of the Captain's father or the Best Buddy' relationship. I keep wondering what the Captain's mother was like? She was a doozy or did she die untimely? Am I being insensitive? A friend who occasionally listens to my generalizations usually pipes up, "Oh, Sal, it is too bad that there are only two sexes! And I stop. But later to myself remark that it is too bad women cannot produce an improved guy. -- So to combine generalizations with into (double prepositions) idealizations. I think that it would be interesting to put together for young women an educational index... tracing the variety of pyschological power paradigms of love/sex partnerships that sketch over time the trajectory of long term relationships. It's been done, it has been done. Sally My wife met you at the Annapolis Borders book signing and got a signed copy from you right after we separated. She recommended that I read it. I wish I had read this a year ago … It might have saved our marriage! I've only just started it but I can see where it is headed and the sad thing is that there was so much love between us and I never realized the hurt, the pain and the damage that I was causing...B. Thursday, VIP Date, at the Annapolis Boat Show was a drizzly day. We met and spoke briefly and I learned about your book. I opted not to buy...because I was there (for the day only having flown in from St. Louis) to look at boats, and because I presumed, from the titled, to know the bias of the content. After returning home I thought about you standing out there that day, cordial to those who would say hi, and I went out to Amazon.com and bought BB. First of all, you've lived the unattainable dream of many, myself included, of living aboard. I recognize all of the drawbacks you noted, but being a "weekender" gives us a taste and embellishes the dream. I absolutely enjoyed the quality of the characters. There was something not to like about everyone. There were traits to admire. And I understood the mannerisms of the Captain as I recognized similar personal traits. It prompted: do you see that? That is you. That is how you come off to others. Are you comfortable with that? Should you be comfortable or should you change? I enjoyed your disclosure of the attributes of the players. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that standing on the end of an aisle on a raining day sold a book. I hope you find satisfaction and peace but I'm sure your future chapters will be rich. Thanks, John YOU HAVE SCORED :-) BIG TIME We love your description of Best Buddy's wife, Mrs. Best Buddy, too. Deborah- K. reads a lot and very fast. She finished your wonderful book overnight. She doesn't do E-mail but she said to tell you that she thought it was very well written and that you did a marvelous job describing feelings including the complex personalities of your 'characters'. I am not a fast reader so I haven't finished it yet. I did think your description of best buddy was absolutely on the mark. What I particularily liked is that you even admitted that at times he can be likable. You won my admiration on that point. The only thing that I might have added is that he often can't keep his fly zipped all the way up because of the internal pressure of what I think you called carefully fattened Virginia ham. I forgot to tell you in the last e-mail that don't need to edit our chapter. I think we can take it. Send it on. Capt. RonT. i just finished your book, it was great it will go on my shelf of books to read again. cant wait for your next one. new fan sandra y. I found your book poignant and somehow hauntingly archetypal. Isn't there a phenomenon of WASP men being attracted strongly to Jewish women, whom they seem to view as exotic, but not marrying them (or not staying with them if they do marry them)? Perhaps we are a bit too exotic and earthy. Think of that awful Barbra Streisand movie, The Way We Were. There must be better examples. I love the theme of your unwavering love for your daughter, despite what you allude to as some difficult teenage years. That is what's really important. And I give you great credit for all those voyages - too little space, not enough hot water. I met someone recently who's a VP at a shoe manufacturer, and we were discussing the shoes we wore when we were young, which ended up doing damage to our feet, when she remarked that she had made too many bad choices - men and shoes. So how are your feet? ....Pat E. Hi Deborah! Do you remember me? I've been meaning to write you - I read your book about a month ago (in one day) and have recommended it to mostly every female I know. Suzanne Perino (did you know her?), who keeps in touch with Efrat, told me about it, and I immediately went to Amazon to get it, thinking how nice it would be to find out what your doing lately, etc...but I didn't expect I would love it so much.Quickly, one of my favorite parts in the whole book is toward the end when you and your friends and family are telling Jewish jokes at Thanksgiving. LOVED THAT. There is much more, but I won't bore you with compliments. I will say that prior to Boat Bastard, I was wishing for a sail boat and envisioned myself sailing around with my boyfriend (of 6 years, no ring yet)... but I think, perhaps, I will opt to sit in nice restaurants on the water, and drink wine while admiring boat scenery. Thanks for that....Julie L. "...K. reads a lot and very fast.
She finished your wonderful book overnight. She doesn't do E-mail but she said to tell you that she thought it was very well written and that you did a marvelous job describing feelings including the complex personalities of your 'characters'. I am not a fast reader so I haven't finished it yet. I did think your description of best buddy was absolutely on the mark. What I particularly liked is that you even admitted that at times he can be likable. You won my admiration on that point. The only thing that I might have added is that he often can't keep his fly zipped all the way up because of the internal pressure of what I think you called carefully fattened Virginia ham. I forgot to tell you in the last e-mail that you don't need to edit our chapter. I think we can take it.
Send it on"...Capt. R. Thursday, VIP Date, at the Annapolis Boat Show was a drizzly day. We met and spoke briefly and I learned about your book. I opted not to buy...because I was there (for the day only having flown in from St. Louis) to look at boats, and because I presumed, from the titled, to know the bias of the content. After returning home I thought about you standing out there that day, cordial to those who would say hi, and I went out to Amazon.com and bought Boat Bastard. First of all, you've lived the unattainable dream of many, myself included, of living aboard. I recognize all of the drawbacks you noted, but being a "weekender" gives us a taste and embellishes the dream. I absolutely enjoyed the quality of the characters. There was something not to like about everyone. There were traits to admire. And I understood the mannerisms of the Captain as I recognized similar personal traits. It prompted: do you see that? That is you. That is how you come off to others. Are you comfortable with that? Should you be comfortable or should you change? I enjoyed your disclosure of the attributes of the players. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that standing on the end of an aisle on a raining day sold a book. I hope you find satisfation and peace but I'm sure your future chapters will be rich.
Thanks, John Sun, 29 Sep 2002
"I loved your book! It was a great read and a page turner. I wish you could have thrown him overboard; what an arrogant self serving BASTARD.I hope we can all learn to say enough is enough - why do we always try to tell ourselves that things will be different? I will continue to watch your web site and hope to see you in person. Thanks for the strength"....................Ann Fri, 27 Sep 2002
Ok - so you knew you'd probably be hearing from former BHA-ers, right? Here I am, coming out of the woodwork! :) Wow! I'm so so proud of you! And not in the least surprised! When I think back to my work days you are in the top 5 favorite people I'd met there! Honest! I just started reading the book and the best part for me is I can hear you telling the story (a benefit I wish most readers could have!). Best of luck to you with this and your future endeavors! By the way: I still wear my DVR original scarf (blue/green washable silk) and get compliments on it all the time! Keep in touch! ...Katrina. Tue, 10 Sep 2002, Adelaide, Australia
Just about to catalogue your book for the public library system in South Australia here at PLAIN Central Services. I am impressed, Deborah. I see thousands of books every year.Yours jumped right out at me!!! Not only as a book buyer but as a woman who can relate to your ups and downs so well. I too was involved with another Boat Bastard here in Adelaide, South Australia. I too survived. Good Luck. Kind regards. ...Judy F., Adelaide, South Australia Tue, 10 Sep 2002
Congratulations and good luck on you latest undertaking. You are incredible! We look forward to seeing you at the Bernardsville Public Library Oct. 13th. Mark and Barbara, New Jersey Sun, 15 Sep 2002
You are too much! Looks like a book I should definitely read....Kat, Philadelphia Fri, 30 Aug 2002
"WOW! A perfect book - well-written, creatively structured, and dead-on! It went straight to my heart! Congratulations!" ....Shirley W, Sacramento, CA 28 Aug 2002
"I so enjoyed meeting you last Sunday. Since I am a good girl! lol I went out on Monday and picked up the book. I had a two day torturous stay with my mother scheduled for this past week and I brought your book to act as the shield between she and I. I often have to read to get her to leave me alone. Well. the good news is not only did the book act as the shield, it was inspirational and riveting. I did laugh out loud at the cockroach story, something I myself would have done with a lot of enjoyment and I did cry at "The Bastard's thoughtlessness". You may have even just entitled the book "The Bastard"! Well consider that if the movie proposals start coming because the book should be a huge hit!!!"..... Naomi, Wellesley, MA Thu, 29 Aug 2002 :
"Deborah-greetings-just loved your book. I am a poor wasp who got dumped by a rich, snobby wasp from Wellesley. In the end, I just didn't quite fit the bill. It took much too long for me to realize it. I always felt insecure and bad about myself-and I let it happen. He was a small minded man with very bad manners who always made other people feel inferior-sly remarks, nasty witticisms, etc. Isn't that the definition of snobbism? However, the best part of it is that I don't feel any bitterness. I'm just glad it ended. I ended up simply not liking him because he never made me his priority. And that's not what I wanted-I finally had a wakeup call. I have recommended your book to all of my friends. We had been discussing your book at dinner the other night-we had read the review in the Globe. The entire collection of "blue tyranny" boating retirees sound incredibly boring. Whatever do people like that talk about anyway? As they say "The best revenge is living well" You have done that with great finesse and the last laugh I might add!!".....................Terri N. Thu, 29 Aug 2002":
..."he certainly is fortunate to be free of you and happily married to a non whiner."...a sailor. 28 Aug 2002:
"Deborah, I so enjoyed meeting you last Sunday. Since I am a good girl! lol I went out on Monday and picked up the book. I had a two-day torturous stay with my mother scheduled for this past week and I brought your book to act as the shield between she and I. I often have to read to get her to leave me alone. Well. the good news is not only did the book act as the shield, it was inspirational and riveting. I did laugh out loud at the cockroach story, something I myself would have done with a lot of enjoyment and I did cry at "The Bastard's thoughtlessness". You may have even just entitled the book "The Bastard"! Well consider that if the movie proposals start coming because the book should be a huge hit!!!" ................Naomi Tue, 27 Aug 2002:
"I greatly enjoyed the "little duck" story. Your book is a good reminder for me to mind my manners, to avoid becoming a "bastard". Really sorry about your heartbreak. Surely there is a really great man for you out there who will help you put thoughts of the Captain to rest"....Dick R. 26 Aug 2002
"I just finished your book, I really enjoyed it. I have two friends, a couple, who live on their boat (motor yacht) in Chelsea, winters included. They are a special couple, that's for sure, because I can hardly make it through the one weekend we join them per year. My idea of "camping" is when the electricity goes out. Their relationship works, because the WOMAN is the captain in that situation. She does all the driving (do you call it driving?) on the boat and he's in charge of pulling in the ropes and fixing stuff. When he drives, he smashes into the dock. He happily turns over all of that to her; he's a very smart guy. I will definitely give them a copy of your book to read.The one thing that bothered me is (what I consider) your over-reacting to the Jewish jokes. I guess I don't understand that whole thing about only Jews can tell Jewish jokes. I guess it's about the same as black people saying it's OK if a black person uses the "N" word but not a white person. Your family's Jewish jokes were more offensive that that jerky lady's joke about free ham. Anyway, happy sailing!"............Norma B. "I just wanted to let you know that I am LOVING your book. I'm one of those people who, when she finds a book she enjoys, takes as long as she possibly can to read it because she doesn't want the experience to end. So, although I could have polished off "Boat Bastard" in a few hours, I read only five or six chapters a day. I'm also the type of person who reads certain lines, pages, or chapters over and over again if they touch me. I adore that chapter on Gertrude the duck, especially the lines "I love him for this" and "And I love her for this." I can just feel your romantic and maternal passions; I know them both so well"...DG, Warren, NJ "BOAT BASTARD was just great...two passionate lovers, moving at a different pace, their egos colliding at high sea and on shore. This is a 13 year trip across borders with their personal history and expectations of each other stopping them from having a future together. The Boat Bastard is a wonderful book and a must read for all on the ocean of love, or heartache."...JHH, Cologne, Germany. "I just finished your book, Boat Bastard, and was either laughing or crying, not out of pity, but in empathy. Having just gotten into sailing with my boyfriend/lover/partner, whatever he believes he is and I'm not (lady friend is as good as it gets), I could identify with much of your book, the sailing references as well as the relationship. You tell it like it is, rather than the flowery romance views of many authors. God knows we all want romance, but truth is, how many of actually have it? Thank you for such a great book. If you're planning a sequel, I'll have it the moment it hits the stands." With admiration...Catherine "Wow!! Today is August 1, 2002. A day I think that will go down in history for myself and all of my friends!! I finally said my final goodbye to my captain. Everyone saw what was happening to me but myself!! I felt like I was in a spider web and couldn't escape!! I wandered into Borders books after I did the deed!!! I couldn't believe my eyes!! Boat Bastard!! How appropriate!! I called all my friends and told them about it and here I am with a copy of your book. I am going on vacation in the morning and am returning monday. (no I'm not going sailing!!!!!!) I don't even know if I can wait to start it on the plane tomorrow. I live in Boston also. I'll write when I get back!! I'm so glad I'm not alone!!!!"........Sara "Just finished the book, given to me by sailing friends the Dechters who got it from former sailing lady, Lisa. I hope my captain will read it but I wonder if he would understand. First of all Jerry said you might come to the Annapolis boat show. Great idea and I would love to meet you (we have a guest room.)You would have at least four fans to greet you. If we find out who Best Buddy is we can picket his house. We have been married since 1958, have beend sailing since l980 when we took the Annapolis sailing school three-day-course and (ha, ha) learned to sail, then bought a boat. We now have a 36' 22-year-old sloop and love the Chesapeake sailing. But you cannot have two captains aboard especially one that takes no criticism."You left the engine on in reverse which is why I could not get the bow line", say I. Like a naughty kid caught at something, "I am sure I didn't." Would like to write a longer letter to you so if you send me your e-mail I will do an addenda to this. I wrote two pages early this morning! Must tell you about our Sailing Chavurah."... Barbara C "My wife and I both enjoyed your book. It was recommended to us by a friend who is a psycho-therapist (not ours). We, having been married for 47 years and sailing together for 24 years, are beyond help. Being Jewish we have had similar experiences to yours. The only gentile who can tell me a Jewish joke without upsetting me is an 81 year old Irish trumpet player who grew up in the Bronx and had to pretend to be Jewish in order to be accepted in his friends' homes. I have only one picayune criticism of your book. You referred to baby ducks as goslings. They are ducklings. Goslings are baby geese. Keep up the writing. If you ever get back to Annapolis, our home town, we will definitely attend you appearance"...Jerry D "Married 47 years to same man, raised three successful sons, sailing for 22 years, I am tough. Jerry and I learned to sail together. We owned our own pharmacy for 24 years in which I worked, but kept Jerry more tied down than me. I taught myself to single hand our first boat, a Catalina 22 and subsequently a Pearson 34. I attended Sailing Club functions alone when Jerry couldn't be off. My feeling is that a woman should learn as much as any male and she can do the same things. I go up the mast, which Jerry can't, put down and weigh anchor without a windless or deck hose and clean with buckets of sea water.

Presently, we have a Wauquiez Ted Hood 38 with 20 ft of chain. Most women think I am crazy doing all I do, especially all the Jewish friends. I thrive on it. I clean and take care of the boat. I even hand paint the bottom paint with a racing paint. Use a brush, not a roller. Want the boat to sail as efficiently as possible. Jerry and I agree on that.

We haven't decided who is the Captain and we argue and work it out sometimes with mistakes. We have been to Maine for 7 weeks on present boat and to Neuse River and Newport on Pearson. There can be happiness and pleasures with the sailing life. We both love it and hope to continue as long as possible.

I am 69 and Jerry 7l. We would love to meet you if you are at Annapolis Boat Show. We have a house to accommodate guest and would be happy to have you stay with us. We are quite near downtown Annapolis. Our friend Lisa bought your book at a local Barnes and Noble. We have passed it off to another sailing friend which doesn't get you another book sail however, but the good will always helps. Good luck. P.S. We have many Canada geese here and plenty goslings. Adorable. So are ducklings of which we have too many which get eaten. Look forward to future contact."...Ruth D "Thanks so much for the copy of your book as well as the lovely inscription. To my great surprise, once I picked it up, I could not put it down until I had finished reading. Though your addiction to this man seemed unlikely for a feminist (which I believe you are), I liked the book because: (1) It was truly funny. (In my experience, humor is the hardest to capture on paper.) (2) You seem so blatantly honest in your self-evaluation. (Are you really like that? Yes, better to meet at our homes than in a restaurant!) (3) I love how much you HATE sailing. I was married to someone who not only kept me captive on a sailboat and at a yacht club every summer for 13 years, but also owned a marine hardware business. All those familiar terms I've tried to forget... (4) I enjoyed your impression of our daughters' Beit Hashita room. (5) Your sense of your Jewish roots -- and how this became the final "straw" in the breakup -- gave the book its integrity. (6) I love lists...SSS "I feel like I spent the past couple weeks with you. I just finished the book. Loved it. Really, really enjoyed it. You may have even inspired me. I've been, for the past few years, itching to do something outside my usual routine. something creative, somethig with pages. You got my juices flowing" ...T Palin "What a wonderful read, The Boat Bastard! I wish you phenomenal success withthe book, Deborah. It's truly a story which every woman can relate to "I wish I were cuter, younger, invisible". We've all been there. And I like the way the story is constructed, not just narrative telling the story from beginning to end, but giving the reader snippets of thoughts and teasers of stories which you chose not to tell. We recently visited my mother and sister in N.C. and I left the book with them. My sister, Wendie, who sailed in the Bahamas with her husband for a year, feels compelled to write you. I'm sure you'll hear from her soon."...Laurie R "Dear boatbastard.com: I am a rascally retired sailor widower of 7+ decades who reads all the time + computing. I picked up this book on one of my twice weekly forays to our public library here in historic Charleston, S.C. by the sea. I put the book down at least a dozen times, yet I picked it up again each time. I really don't know why, but I just did. I finally finished it today. I maintain a card file on all books I've read by author and I rate each one on a "1 thru 5 scale". But since I finished this book this afternoon I've yet to rate it. I don't think I can. But I did finish it which is something I donnot do with each book I start. Maybe I will give your next book a try.Close friends of mine just returned from a 3 year "tour" in Jordan, so it might prove interesting". Sincerely...Joe B "Hey.... Wanted to recommend a great new book by a friend of mine. The name of the book is "BOAT BASTARD", published by ReganBooks/HarperCollins. The writer, Deborah, lives in Boston. She just sent me a copy after we became acquaintances. I do not recommend lightly...a memoir any woman worth her salt will love. You can buy at Amazon or at neighbor bookstore....as long as you've known me I've never recommended book (maybe some music), but it's a hot one and she needs some word of mouth spread... I must add, that sitting here before I leave I could not help but began to read and i can tell you that it is incredible... I don't say that lightly. this book should take off...women who know about will loveit...others too, but women, especially ...David M "Thanks for the book. As I read it , I felt like you were in the room with me... "...A. GERT "LOVED it, sweetie. Shouldn't have been reading it, but picked it up and couldn't stop. Will tell MY friends about it. I really, really dislike boats. My skin burns up, but more than that, you can't get off them when you want to. (Ditto islands.) I never even go to parties on boats that are only going to circle the harbor. And I hate WASPS with a deep, abiding hatred, even though I am one. The Frozen Chosen. I wouldn't have stayed the night after the Jewish joke episode, not if I'd been with him for 50 years. Not if he had apologized on bended knee. Crossed the line. The best bit about the book, apart from the humor, is how you portray yourself as a real piece of work. And why shouldn't you be!? I am!" ...Kate J "Good morning you all, I am partway through a book that you might like. Its entitled " Boat Bastard" and the author is Deborah van Rooyan. I have been reading it in little 4-5 page snippets before I fall asleep each night and find it interesting. Its not your average book having little overt sexual descriptors nor wild adventure but more a narration really of her relationship and feelings over many years with a man. A relationship that they both find challenging. It is as though she is sitting with you telling the story directly. She lives in Boston and he on the Cape and she has a lifestyle much like I imagine you live Sue. ;-) I think I am enjoying it although my view is somewhat bias by the fact I can place a face, voice and a personality with the narration. The author was signing books down here and did everything but trip you to get your attention. Once you engaged in a conversation with her you were hooked by her personality, well at least I was. I will be interested in your view. " ...AL D. "Well Deborah,I have finished your book and find the money and time was well spent. I can't say I enjoyed it because it would be as if I was telling a friend who shared a sad story with me that I enjoyed it.However, As a result of the story and the way it was told It was engagingreading at the end of which I had two thoughts: One is I have sadly heard this before with different details and different characters. Once I was the male in the event.Two is I would like to grab you and shake some sense into you. Or better yet why would someone obviously as talented and interesting as you persist in that relationship. I know love. Good luck and thanks." ...Allan I'm writing to tell you that I LOVED - LOVED - LOVED your book! I devoured one third of it in one sitting, then decided to savor the rest over the next few nights. I simply did not want it to end (in fact, I wistfully read over the lists of chapters you didn't write, wishing you had!). Of course, I'm sure you were glad for it to end, all of it. (...although, I closed the book wondering about that...) Yikes, what a story! I knew nothing about it and I so loved reading about it. Your writing style pulled me in completely. I'm so sorry for all of it...but look what's become of it! The old pearl-from-an-oyster story, n'est-ce-pas?. Brava!...Betsy G. Deborah, I'm sure Lisa has already contacted you, but I also wanted to thank you for providing us such an entertaining book club evening. Everyone thoroughly enjoyed meeting you on Tuesday. And of course, the Boat Bastard was a big hit!!! Good Luck with your book promotion - I would love to see this made into a movie - Bridget Jones Diary meets First Wife's Club. If you ever need any help, call me! Thanks again - it was a pleasure to meet you! ...Lori M (girl in black with big red bag)

"After reading a couple of reviews, I knew this book would speak to me *loudly*, and I've just finished reading it. It's a hoot, brilliantly organized, and a hundred other positive adjectives that I imagined during the process but now can't come up with.

"Please add my name to the loooooong list of women who will thank you for writing a book that far too many of us could write, if only we had the wizardry with words that you have put on paper and now shoot out at us.

"Not one to write to authors , I find it surprisingly difficult, but for some reason just want to confess to you what a jerk I was: I PAID for MY Captain's $^%*&%$# boat! You can bet I'm going to share yours far and wide among my circle of friends. Not so hot in the royalty department for you, but it will be enormously satisfying to me, for not feeling like the only woman in the world who hooked up for ten years with a Captain who just never learned the word 'we';

"Here's to sales of a million copies, and thank you again!" -- Nancy

"babe you gotta be kiddin' me. get over it!!!!" -- brad

Hey, Deborah - Just a quick line to say how thrilled I was (actually, ALL my friends were, who have been reading THE book at my suggestion!), with the Globe article on Tues. You came across exactly as you sound and Shannon and I are beside ourselves that we actually ate dinner with a celebrity - wow! I am still reliving and recalling that great dinner at Woodland 3 weeks ago - you were a wonder and we all felt quite privileged. Congratulations! Koko B

Front page of the Boston Globe LIV/ARTS section...

and you never signed my copy of your wonderful book!

I read it soon after your launch, while visiting mum in Florida and was riveted.

Great sense of humor (which I already knew) and extremely well- written/thought out (which I suspected).

I'm proud to say I know this talented woman! And now everyone will know how talented you are.

Funny that you wrote to purge...yet now you have to constantly revisit the relationship through questions....and I'm sure a barrage of "who was he...what's his name...is it so and so...".

Has he contacted you? I wonder what he thinks. I don't think you were too harsh on him, or harsh enough actually. In a way, you were harsher on yourself. After all, he's a man who told you what his intentions were and, like every woman, you hoped to change him. I couldn't change my man and I don't know many women who could.

Old story, but it's in the telling that you excelled, and I wonder if in his reading it, something will change for him.

Words have a strange power when they're facing you on a page. And lord knows, you did a great job with words.